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Written by Trang Singer
Got an aging parent? Believe that there’s a right tool for everything? Then read on… I’ve got your back.
My father is an octogenarian who’s been through the wringer many a time. He was forced to spend nearly a decade in a prisoner-of-war camp, where he endured and survived unimaginable hardships, then as a result of poor health habits later in life, is currently practically and functionally a 90-something year old. So my sister and I have been caring for him, and now you will reap the benefits of what we had to learn by trial through fire, so to speak.
There are six categories of care, and truthfully, the perfect tool for the job always depends on just how much the patient/your loved one is able to move around. In our case, our father was bed-bound for a while, but then got some strength back and is now getting around on his own and… I say this with love… raising mayhem again. The six are: getting around, sleeping, bathing, toileting, alertness, and entertainment, and I’ve compiled an exhaustive list of all of the game changing products, devices and contraptions that have helped preserve his health and independence, while saving our sanity and lower backs. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know. Together we learn.
1) Moving around is of utmost importance. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
Independence is key, but then again, so is making sure the house doesn’t get destroyed by poor driving habits, so for us, the electric wheelchair, though very cool, was out. Transferring in and out of bed was a necessity, and with the help of a physical therapist, we found that a child-size wheelchair was actually perfect for our dad. It was low, strong but lightweight, and highly functional, as it has the side wheels that he could move himself. The link provided is to a sturdy-looking pediatric one; ours was a pretty penny that we luckily got as a hand-me-down, but it’s so worth it. We pair the wheel chair with a grabber tool and he becomes pretty much unstoppable.
More on this later, but especially for the wheelchair, we’ll line the seat with a washable fabric pee pad. On days when he’s feeling extra strong, he’ll use the walker that has locking wheels. When he was weaker, he’d fall and getting him up was tough on our back (nurses get hurt this way too!) so we found a portable waterproof electric lift chair that works quite well. There’s also a low-footprint transfer chair contraption that he can maneuver himself. We actually haven’t used it yet, as he’s doing much better than before and getting himself around, but it’s at the ready whenever he needs it, and we’re especially glad we already have it because the availability of these products is come and go.
For car trips, a foldable, trunk-sized transport wheelchair has been super useful, along with a portable car door assist handle and a strappy grab handle.
2) Sleeping is when the body heals itself.
A low-profile, pressure relieving mattress on a low bed frame worked wonders, and once we added wedge pillows and some bedside support bars that go all the way to the ground to help him move himself up, there was no need for a hospital-grade bed. A breathable but completely waterproof mattress protector was key, as were the reusable bed pee pads. These were extra helpful as they come with grab handles, which helped us slide our dad up the bed more easily. My sister actually saved the baby blankets from her kids era, and putting one of these over his privates helped to save us from having to wash the big blanket everyday.
3) Everything is a miracle; it’s a miracle that one does not dissolve in one’s bath like a lump of sugar. ~ Pablo Picasso
We actually bought three different bathing chairs as our father’s health deteriorated, one for each stage of fragility, and wish we’d known to go straight to this version from the start: a sliding and swiveling tub chair with a firm support handle that gets him safely from outside to inside the tub. Save your back and invest in this, as well as a snake shower head with filters for sensitive skin. If you can permanently install support bars and renovate the tub out, then by all means go for it, but our budget, the slide-and-swivel chair as well as suction support bars are just right.
4) A toilet is small, but its impact is massive.
A non-wheeled walker placed right over the ceramic throne will work in a pinch, but a better solution is a support bar that can be screwed directly to the toilet. We learned the hard way that a lidded bedside commode is essential for emergencies. Good portable spill-proof urinals are also key, and we even found this one that’s ingeniously ergonomic in design.
5) Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
As for help with keeping an eye out for emergencies, we went with a motion-tracking camera with night vision, and a wearable alert system with a button our father could wear on his wrist. We recommend taking that off for nighttime peace, because nope, our home is not a hotel or a professional care facility. We did also get him a giant bedside clock that told him the date and time in an effort to stave off those unfortunate midnight pocket dials.
And speaking of phones, we discovered that there is a way to make his smart iPhone simple and dumb, making the icons bigger, focused features and removing unnecessary apps. It’s a free feature called Assistive Access and can be found in the settings > Accessibility > General Section: Assisted Access.
6) We do not quit playing because we grow old; we grow old because we quit playing. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, is entertainment. These days, watching soccer, movies, and Dancing with the Stars makes him happy, so does listening to music and audiobooks. I actually slide exercise videos (like this Tai Chi one or posts from the Instagram account @functionallyevolved) into his rotation so he gets inspired to move.
What’s truly needed is a change in environment so he’s not stuck in bed all the time. So on the advice of his physical therapist (and Jon Stewart), we got our dad a comfy massaging arm chair that will lift up as well as recline back. At the touch of a button, he can get himself up and out of the chair whenever he wants. It’s the American dream: ultimate couch potato freedom. And frankly, I want one for myself.
About the Author:
Trang Singer is a work-from-home teacher, a mom to an awesome four-year-old, a wife to a busy lawyer, and a middle child caregiver to an aging dad. All she wants to do is sip tea in a nice garden, save animals and take naps.
